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Original Prepare teaching responses and practice feedback—not official model answers or awarded bands. Notice a strength, find evidence, then choose one improvement.
Summarise the table showing students’ main travel method in 2010 and 2020. Select the main features and make comparisons. These figures are invented for practice.
| Method | 2010 (%) | 2020 (%) |
|---|---|---|
| Bus | 50 | 40 |
| Car | 20 | 45 |
| Walking | 30 | 15 |
| Total | 100 | 100 |
The table compares the proportions of students who travelled to a Nigerian college by bus, by car or on foot in 2010 and 2020. Figures are expressed as percentages, and the three categories account for all students in each year. Overall, car travel became considerably more common and replaced buses as the leading method of transport. Meanwhile, both bus use and walking declined, with the proportion walking falling to half its original level. In 2010, buses were used by 50% of students, making this the most popular option. Walking was the second most common method, at 30%, while cars accounted for the remaining 20%. Bus use therefore exceeded car use by 30 percentage points at the beginning of the period. By 2020, the share travelling by car had risen to 45%, an increase of 25 percentage points. In contrast, the figure for buses fell by 10 percentage points to 40%. Walking dropped by 15 percentage points, from 30% to 15%. Consequently, cars led buses by five percentage points in 2020, while walking remained less common than either motorised option.
“replaced buses as the leading method”
What works: The overview identifies the main change without inventing reasons.
Next improvement: Quantify the strongest increase when refining the overview.
Try this revision: Cars became the leading method, with their share rising by 25 percentage points.
“By 2020”
What works: Separate overview and detail paragraphs make the comparison easy to follow.
Next improvement: Link the second year explicitly to the earlier ranking.
Try this revision: By 2020, this ranking had changed: cars accounted for 45%, compared with 40% for buses.
“an increase of 25 percentage points”
What works: Percentage points correctly describe the difference between 20% and 45%.
Next improvement: Avoid confusing a percentage-point increase with a percentage increase.
Try this revision: The car share rose by 25 percentage points, from 20% to 45%.
“while cars accounted for the remaining 20%”
What works: The contrasting clause combines figures accurately.
Next improvement: Practise an alternative comparison structure.
Try this revision: Walking accounted for 30%, leaving cars as the least common option at 20%.
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Academic: identify the main features, give a clear overview and accurate comparisons; do not add unsupported opinions.
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